My Mother Loves Raymond

I once told you about my parents. You know... The post where I compared them to Seinfeld's folks. If you missed that one, click here to get the run down.

Mort & Lenore, (their real names), are quite the characters.

NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY THIS LITTLE MUSIC CLIP AS YOU READ ON


My parents are addicted to EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND. I don't mean that they watch every now and then... NO! NO!... They watch at least 5 episodes a day!

Apparently, South Florida TV caters to people of their, shall we say, demographic. If you look in TV Guide for their local listings, you'll see that I'm totally telling the truth here!

FIVE FRIGGIN' EPISODES A DAY!!!

It's the one thing that really drives me kooky when I go to visit. Well, maybe there are a few other things. But this is a biggie! Not that I have anything against Ray, but I can barely make it through a single episode before I can find 20 other things that I'd rather be doing.

But my parents will sit there and ROAR with laughter at every little thing that happens on the tube.

I can deal with that. To each his own. And some of the situations ARE pretty funny. But sometimes I'll be in the middle of doing something REALLY important... like checking my e-mails... or blogging, or something... and I'll hear:

MOM: HONEY... COME IN HERE... RAYMOND'S ON THE TV.

LAST GIRL: Mom, I'm busy. Just watch it without me.

MOM: NO REALLY. YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS THIS ONE. IT'S THE ONE WHERE RAYMOND'S CUTE LITTLE KIDS EAT ICE CREAM.

LG: That's really OK, Mom. I'll pass. I'm kind of busy.

MOM: MORT, TELL HER HOW GREAT THIS EPISODE IS. SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE ME!

DAD: It's really great. (Back to reading the paper)

MOM: OH, HERE COME THOSE ADORABLE KIDS... OOOOH. THEY'RE SO CUTE!

LG: Mom, how many times have you seen that same show?

MOM: WHAT DOES IT MATTER? IT'S STILL SOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY! NOW COME IN HERE AND WATCH IT WITH ME!

You get the idea.

So last summer, when I was touring with Cyndi Lauper, we were asked to play a big Hollywood shindig. EVERY star you can name was there. It was like a weird Fellini-esque industry-charity-shmoozathon. Everywhere you looked was someone famous. AND WE WERE THE ENTERTAINMENT!

We got up on stage, and as I started to play, I looked down by my feet at the table directly in front of me... AND THERE WAS RAY ROMANO... IN THE FLESH. He was sitting at a table that included Tony Danza and Aaron Spelling. He was so close I could have reached down and taken a sip of his beer! I had just returned from a trip to my parent's house in Florida, and had probably seen 90 episodes of Raymond that week.

I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. Not that I think he's exceptionally cute or anything. BUT THIS WAS THE REAL LIVE RAYMOND FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

As soon as we finished, I walked off the left side of the stage. Simultaneously, Raymond got up off of his chair and headed in the same direction. It turns out that he was the next person to give a speech. THIS WAS MY BIG CHANCE!!!

Because he had just seen me play, I felt like it wouldn't be too weird to approach him. So I walked right up and said:

LG: Ray, my mother is your biggest fan. I just got back from Florida and I probably saw every episode you have ever made! Did you know that they air your show in South Florida 5 times a day?

RR: Really? I had no idea. I'm sorry! ... Wow, you guys were really great up there...

And then I proceed to talk to him for about 15 minutes about life on the road! He was REALLY normal.

NOW... The point of this story is that after everything I've ever done in my life, NOTHING ever gave me as much cred with my Mom as this picture... And I assure you that she has shared it with everyone at least once in Coco Wood Lakes: