The Garage Is His Castle
My Dad's garage is the BANE of my mother's existence. For 20 years I've heard her complain about this space. No matter how much she goes on about it, she just can't get my dad to clean it up. This is a pretty tough situation to be in for a Jewish Mother.
This is not a story about Lenore, though...
This is MORT'S GARAGE we're talking about here... The only space in this world that he can all his own. Lenore doesn't go in there. She's much too mortified by the accumulation of years' worth of STUFF! Dad is encouraged to only open the garage door a crack so that the neighbors won't see the clutter and make my mother cower in shame at the next Coco Woods get-together!
This is a place to store all of his private treasures.
This is not a story about Lenore, though...
This is MORT'S GARAGE we're talking about here... The only space in this world that he can all his own. Lenore doesn't go in there. She's much too mortified by the accumulation of years' worth of STUFF! Dad is encouraged to only open the garage door a crack so that the neighbors won't see the clutter and make my mother cower in shame at the next Coco Woods get-together!
This is a place to store all of his private treasures.
AND MORT HAS TREASURES...
If you want a bowling ball, just ask my dad. He'll disappear into his hideaway for a few minutes and come back out with four bowling balls. Take your pick!
You want some wine? Out comes Mort with a fine vintage of something extra tasty... like Manischewitz... 1992... A very good year for Concord Grapes I hear!
I STILL have no interest in golf, but IF I ever wanted to take it up, I could take my pick from several lovely sets stashed in Dad's garage.
Want a cookie, or some candy? I KNOW he's got a private stash out there. Just don't tell my mother. She'd have a conniption!
What really scares us is the chemicals that Mort has stored in his garage for the past 20 years. I'm not sure what the shelf life of mildew cleaner is, but I'm sure chemistry students would have a field day using my Dad's garage as a science experiment.
I fully expect to get a phone call some day to tell me that the garage has blown up from the fermenting paints and solvents. (Of course, that will be on a day that Mort & Lenore are out bowling!)
I TOTALLY understand my Dad's behavior. I always defend him to the hilt when my Mom goes on about the mess in the garage. Because I am a collector too, and I believe that everyone should have a space of their own. A place to get away and gather your thoughts... surrounded by THINGS only you can appreciate! A place to collect years' worth of useless shit...
If you want a bowling ball, just ask my dad. He'll disappear into his hideaway for a few minutes and come back out with four bowling balls. Take your pick!
You want some wine? Out comes Mort with a fine vintage of something extra tasty... like Manischewitz... 1992... A very good year for Concord Grapes I hear!
I STILL have no interest in golf, but IF I ever wanted to take it up, I could take my pick from several lovely sets stashed in Dad's garage.
Want a cookie, or some candy? I KNOW he's got a private stash out there. Just don't tell my mother. She'd have a conniption!
What really scares us is the chemicals that Mort has stored in his garage for the past 20 years. I'm not sure what the shelf life of mildew cleaner is, but I'm sure chemistry students would have a field day using my Dad's garage as a science experiment.
I fully expect to get a phone call some day to tell me that the garage has blown up from the fermenting paints and solvents. (Of course, that will be on a day that Mort & Lenore are out bowling!)
I TOTALLY understand my Dad's behavior. I always defend him to the hilt when my Mom goes on about the mess in the garage. Because I am a collector too, and I believe that everyone should have a space of their own. A place to get away and gather your thoughts... surrounded by THINGS only you can appreciate! A place to collect years' worth of useless shit...
I AM MY FATHER'S DAUGHTER!
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